What Is Narcissistic Abuse?
Narcissistic abuse is a pattern of emotional, psychological, and sometimes physical harm that occurs in relationships with individuals who have narcissistic traits or narcissistic personality disorder. This type of abuse is often subtle yet devastating. It can include manipulation, gaslighting, chronic criticism, emotional withholding, control, intimidation, and cycles of idealization followed by devaluation. Over time, the victim may begin to doubt their own reality, feel unsafe in expressing emotions, and lose trust in themselves. Unlike other forms of mistreatment, narcissistic abuse penetrates the deepest levels of one’s identity, leaving scars that linger long after the relationship ends
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Beginning the Healing Journey in Therapy
If you are in Tribeca, NYC, and struggling with the aftermath of narcissistic abuse, know that healing is possible. At Ronee Miller Counseling, I provide a warm, grounded, and safe space where you can begin to untangle the confusion, grief, and shame left behind. Our work together focuses on helping you rebuild self-trust, restore boundaries, and reconnect to your core self. With compassion and presence, I walk alongside you as you move from survival into strength. You don’t have to go through this alone—healing begins when you take that first courageous step.
Signs and Symptoms of Narcissistic Abuse
Recognizing the impact of narcissistic abuse is often difficult, especially when you’ve been conditioned to doubt yourself. Some common signs include:
Constantly second-guessing yourself or feeling like “you’re the problem.”
Feeling isolated, invisible, or unheard in the relationship.
Experiencing cycles of love-bombing followed by coldness or withdrawal.
Carrying a deep sense of shame, confusion, or emotional exhaustion.
Walking on eggshells, fearful of triggering anger or criticism.
Losing your sense of self-worth, voice, or autonomy.
These symptoms are not a reflection of who you are—they are the result of being in an unsafe emotional environment.
Narcissistic Abuse, Attachment Styles, and Trauma
Narcissistic abuse doesn’t happen in isolation—it often connects to early attachment wounds and past trauma. Our attachment style, formed in childhood through our relationships with caregivers, shapes how we bond and what we tolerate in intimacy.
Those with an anxious attachment style may find themselves drawn into the cycle of narcissistic abuse because of their deep longing for closeness, even when it is inconsistent or unsafe.
Those with an avoidant attachment style may minimize their needs or emotions, making it easier for a narcissistic partner to dominate the relationship.
Individuals with a disorganized attachment style—often rooted in trauma or unpredictable caregiving—may feel trapped in a push-pull dynamic, desiring love yet fearing it, which mirrors the chaos of narcissistic abuse.
Because narcissistic abuse so often reactivates old wounds, survivors frequently feel haunted by familiar patterns of abandonment, shame, or fear. Healing requires not just breaking free from the abusive relationship, but also rebuilding secure attachment within oneself—a process that therapy makes possible.
Understanding the Narcissistic Abuser
It is also important to understand the narcissistic abuser and the roots of their destructive behavior. Narcissism often develops out of early childhood wounds—a combination of neglect, overindulgence, or trauma that leaves the individual unable to develop a secure, stable sense of self. Instead, they create a false self, fueled by admiration, control, and domination, to protect against feelings of shame and inadequacy.
This does not excuse the harm they cause, but it helps explain why relationships with narcissistic individuals often feel like a cycle of idealization and devaluation. They are unable to tolerate true intimacy, because closeness exposes the fragile parts of themselves they most fear. In therapy for survivors, the focus is not on fixing the abuser, but on understanding the dynamics, breaking free from self-blame, and reclaiming one’s own agency and worth
Who Is Most Vulnerable to Narcissistic Abusers?
While anyone can become entangled in a relationship with a narcissistic partner, certain individuals are more vulnerable. Those with high empathy, sensitivity, and loyalty are often targeted, as are people who grew up in homes where emotional neglect or inconsistency was present.
Dr. Sandra Brown, in her groundbreaking work Women Who Love Psychopaths, emphasizes that “it is not weakness that makes someone vulnerable to a narcissist, but rather their strengths—such as their empathy, capacity for deep connection, and resilience—that get exploited.” Brown’s research highlights that individuals who are loving, forgiving, and hopeful are not to blame for being victimized. Instead, their very qualities of goodness can be weaponized by a narcissistic partner. Understanding this is an essential step in breaking free from shame and moving toward empowerment.
What Therapy With Me Is Like
Therapy with me is not about labels or quick fixes—it’s about experiencing something profoundly different from what you endured. In our work together, you will find a space where your feelings are welcomed rather than dismissed, where your story is held with care instead of judgment, and where the parts of you that carry shame or fear are met with gentleness.
Our sessions are a place for slowing down and noticing what you feel in the moment, so healing can happen not just in your mind, but in your body and heart as well. You’ll begin to discover what it’s like to feel truly safe with another person, to express your emotions without fear, and to reconnect with your own inner strength. As trust builds, you will develop a deeper sense of self-worth and the confidence to create healthier, life-giving relationships
An Invitation to Begin
If you recognize yourself in these words, know that healing is not only possible—it is your birthright. You are not defined by the abuse you endured, nor by the wounds that still ache. With the right support, you can move from survival into a life marked by clarity, freedom, and love.
I invite you to take the next step. You can begin today by visiting Ronee Miller Counseling, calling me at 212-349-6544, or coming to my office in Tribeca, NYC. It would be an honor to walk with you on this journey of healing and restoration.
Resources for Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
Dr. Sandra Brown – The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction
Dr. Richard Schwartz – IFS Institute
Shahida Arabi – Author of Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Psychology Today – Narcissistic Abuse Resources
Ross Rosenberg – Self-Love Recovery Institute